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agentrouka-blog · 4 years ago

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House Stark redemption arc.

Re-reading the books for the timeline questions makes me really appreciate how GRRM is working the biggest redemption arc of them all: House Stark.

Like a sword, it has to be remade.

Its origins? Shrouded in a murky magical fight that never resolved the issue and necessitated a giant ice Wall and the foundation of a border patrol that forgot its purpose and devolved into a runty penal colony occupied with waging war on the neighbors.

Its rise to power? Good old-fashioned conquest.

Some past strategies for dealing with the winters? Raiding in the South.

Shining light of honor? The Rape of the Sisters.

Attitude toward their neighbors? “Even their gods are wrong.” (AGOT, Catelyn XI)

Their Grand Heir in the last generation? Brandon Stark, smirking manwhore (Convince me otherwise.) and so politically astute and responsible that his first response to his sister’s disappearance was to go yell at the mad king and help escalate the situation beyond repair.

Sure, they are beloved by the people. But, you know, there were smallfolk praising Aerys Targaryen in that warehouse concentration camp Arya stayed at. Clearly, that’s not your only measure of decency.

But you see my point. They are legends but they are actually not THAT especially good.

That’s why now - in the advent of “Long Night - The Sequel” - House Stark is undergoing a redemption arc to make them worthy of their own hype.

Narrative punishment all around: Ned is crap at communication, denies the historical purpose of the Watch and keeps a child hostage to kill in case his dad acts out? Watch your House and its power crumble, your seat - tied to that historical purpose - stolen and burned, your children scattered and abused, your heir betrayed and murdered - after your own betrayal and murder, of course.

Robb manages to rally the North and reforge the Kingdom again - but the cracks of fealty sworm under duress (House Bolton, House Greyjoy) rear their head immediately and Robb wages war on the smallfolk like Tywin - narrative punishment: Red Wedding.

They will need to reforge the Kingdom organically: like Jon advises Stannis to do, house by house, paying respect, convincing them of the actual need to unite, doing their duty first, not talking about rights. To do that, they need to become worthy.

That’s why everyone has been brought so low: to learn the hard way, to earn their happy ending.

Jon needed to learn hands-on how to respect diversity: different cultures, sexual autonomy, sexual diversity, respect for women in particular and soft power in general, serving before ruling, weighing priorities, understanding the crucial role of the boring administrative details, making peace after strife. He is struggling the worst when it comes to weighing means against ends, and when it comes to allowing others the responsibility to make their own choices. He needs to overcome Ned’s biggest failing: silence. He needs to explain himself, make himself fully accountable to those around him. Not in sullen, explosive anger, but in a respectful recognition that not all choices must flow from him alone, lest he get tangled up in all the strings like Ned.

Sansa needed to understand that her duty as a highborn Lady is not obedience to her lord but to use the actual power she can access. To recognize and ameliorate injustice, to induce compassion into situations that lack it, to be the ideal she wants to see in the world and force it into existence in herself in spite of how everyone else wants to champion cynicism and opportunism. Obedience to tyrants is complicity, and the more her agency grows, the more pertinent this lesson becomes for herself. Sansa will need to harness power, to be a Lady who does her duty to her people as a leader, not to her Lord as a follower. She will Need to stand up, and speak up, they way she could not at the Trident.

Arya needed to learn that the freedom she wanted is empty without duty. Waving a deadly weapon around and rejecting the duties of a Lady without understanding the fundamental privileges attached to both of those things is idle vanity. Yelling orders is not leadership, attacking others in anger is not justice. She has one of the most painful arcs because to want to wield a sword is one of the most ambitious desires. A sword has no purpose but to hurt and kill. You have to understand justice and duty to earn that privilege justly.

And Bran. He already starts out so well. He climbs all the way high up and looks at Winterfell and all he feels when looking down like its Lord is love for all the people. But to rule in the highest position, he needed to understand that there is no society without cooperation and value for the most helpless. Not from high up but from way down low. He needed to understand that human beings can and must depend on each other’s better angels, on loyalty not from Duty but from respect and friendship. He needs to learn how to reject the vastest of powers, how to let go of his deepest personal dreams if it is necessary for the good of everyone. Only by knowing how to let go of power can he be ready to accept it in the first place.

And Rickon is on Skagos. With Shaggy, who is eating unicorns. I can never stop emphasizing this. For whatever purpose it will end up serving.

They will all end up doing their part in saving the people of Westeros, using their privilege to do their duty. And that will, eventually, be rewarded.

The books are all about consequences and narrative justice. It is the opposite of grimdark and no one will escape that. House Stark is currently undergoing their redemption arc, which is what will justify their happy or quasi-happy endings.

Everyone else in the books who is failing to learn the right lessons and actually atone for their wrong-doing will end up facing karmic justice. Everyone.

#asoiaf #House Stark #redemption arc #jon snow #sansa stark #arya stark #bran stark #eddard stark #robb stark #grrm #the endgame is harmony

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vivithefolle · 4 years ago

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I loved your ranking of character arcs (for the main seven)! Would you mind going into more detail about Ron's character arc, and how he developed from the first to the last book? I apologise if you've already answered a similar request! :)

[Ranking of character arcs]

Well, during the first three books Ron is rather static - he’s awesome, but he doesn’t has much in the terms of “character growth” moments. He does epic stuff like the chess match, following the spiders et all we know, but that isn’t character growth as much as it is freaking badass.

The first three books serve to sow the basics for Ron’s character: he’s a devoted friend, he can face death with a laugh, and in spite of his bouts of rudeness or temper he’s fundamentally kind and doesn’t take himself too seriously - something two people like “boy-who-lived” Harry and “child prodigy” Hermione desperately need.

But what the first book does is introduce Ron’s emotional baggage.

"I'm the sixth in our family to go to Hogwarts. You could say I've got a lot to live up to. Bill and Charlie have already left -- Bill was head boy and Charlie was captain of Quidditch. Now Percy's a prefect. Fred and George mess around a lot, but they still get really good marks and everyone thinks they're really funny. Everyone expects me to do as well as the others, but if I do, it's no big deal, because they did it first. You never get anything new, either, with five brothers. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's old wand, and Percy's old rat."

This introduces us to Ron’s inferiority complex and its origins.

And later on, The Mirror Of Erised helps elaborate:

Harry stepped aside, but with Ron in front of the mirror, he couldn't see his family anymore, just Ron in his paisley pajamas.

Ron, though, was staring transfixed at his image.

"Look at me!" he said.

"Can you see all your family standing around you?"

"No -- I'm alone -- but I'm different -- I look older -- and I'm head boy!"

"What?"

"I am -- I'm wearing the badge like Bill used to -- and I'm holding the house cup and the Quidditch cup -- I'm Quidditch captain, too."

Dumbledore will then add his grain of salt -

Harry thought. Then he said slowly, "It shows us what we want... whatever we want..."

"Yes and no," said Dumbledore quietly. "It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. You, who have never known your family, see them standing around you. Ronald Weasley, who has always been overshadowed by his brothers, sees himself standing alone, the best of all of them. However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible.”

Something to know about Dumbledore - he’s JK Rowling’s mouthpiece. When she wants to tell us something, she puts it in him.

And... well, this looks like a rather... selfish interpretation of Ron’s desire. Especially the “standing alone” part. It somewhat implies that Ron is selfish - especially compared to Harry’s desire which is oh so pure and oh so sad because boo hoo orphan family stuff. (I may be letting all the times Harry fans have pulled the “butt herry iz an orhpan!! :’((” card colour my perception.)

“The best of all of them”. When Ron sees himself being both Head Boy and Quidditch Captain. He’s combining his brothers’ successes into himself. His belief is that this is how he could stand out and be loved - by combining his brothers’ accomplishments.

Anyway.

Goblet of Fire then makes us see Ron’s main problems - his insecurity can lead him astray. First he believes that Harry left him behind during the Triwizard, because why not? After all Ron has already seen that betrayal can come from the craziest places (Lockhart, aka adults/authority figures, Ginny being the Heir Of Slytherin aka family even against their will, and last but not least, freaking Scabbers, aka SEEMINGLY INNOCENT THINGS YOU FEED AND PROTECT). Add to it his budding feeling that he is overlooked in favour of Harry (the twins giving Harry the Marauders’ Map...) and Ron’s emotions get the best of him, which isn’t helped by Harry’s entitled attitude and his acting as though Ron is stupid for questioning him. And then Viktor Krum appears as a prop show us what a catch Hermione is and to be all that makes Ron insecure. The Yule Brawl serves to foreshadow Romione but also to show the negative aspects of Ron’s insecurity, namely jealousy and how he lashes out when he feels betrayed. However, at the end of Goblet of Fire, Ron symbolically outgrows his jealousy by asking Viktor Krum for his autograph.

Order of the Phoenix will then go on to show Ron being jealous of Krum, although being a bit less vocal about it... and it also gives Ron half of the things he’s dreamed of in first year: he’s made a prefect, and joins the Quidditch team. But those are immediately made hollow by the... lackluster reaction of his loved ones and by Malfoy being a vile piece of pond scum. The fact that he’s prefect could have been used to make Ron take on more responsibilities and showcase his motherly side more, but Rowling only used it to again pit him against Hermione by making Ron look like “the immature one” and making Hermione “the responsible one”. And then, to REALLY drive home the point that Ron isn’t allowed to have anything for himself, she has Dumbledore say “oh yeah Harry, you were supposed to be prefect, even though you’re basically allergic to rules and authority and also are emotionally stunted”, and so in a symbolic way VALIDATING Hermione’s reaction to Ron being prefect. Yeah fuck you too Rowling. And the Quidditch debacle could have been used to give Ron confidence in himself. Actually, it does somewhat give him confidence once he trounces Slytherin in the last match of the year. But the fact that Harry and Hermione weren’t present means that Ron’s victory is an afterthought, a background event, a minor thing. Yet, Ron still proves his maturity and patience by just accepting that his friends weren’t here to see him play. They don’t deserve him, seriously. This year also marks a drama-free year for Ron and Hermione, which could have then been built up to make them grow even closer in the next book... but oh, the faults of TERFs...

Half-Blood Prince basically takes all of Ron’s progression through the last two books and says “see that? All that? Well let’s pretend it never happened and do it again, but shittier!” The thing is, Rowling wants Ron to “make himself worthy of Hermione” like the very progressive person she is. But she is also aware that Ron is kind of a naïve romantic who wouldn’t date around while he’s in love with someone else. Unless... Unless she resurrects plotlines that have already been finished, thus bringing Ron back to square one. Now he’s back to not being able to play Quidditch properly and Hermione acts the saviour because girl power. Now he’s back to being enraged by Viktor Krum’s name. Now he’s even less mature than he was in Philosopher’s Stone because Plot Be Like That. JKR did do a pretty good job at setting up the whole argument, not gonna lie. Since Ron is so sensitive to betrayal, finding out that Hermione had lied to him about Krum would indeed make him furious, especially when he finds out that Ginny knew about it and (apparently) so did Harry. Basically, the entire sixth year is built to undermine Ron’s growth and character, both because Harry must be in love with Ginny and in order to properly appreciate Ginny he has to appreciate Ron’s qualities less, since Ginny and Ron basically have the same qualities Harry appreciates but he can only be in love with Ginny; and also because Ron “needed to make himself worthy of Hermione” courtesy of double-standards, sexism and general immaturity from our author.

Finally DH closes the horrible loop. Rather than letting Ron grow secure and confident, Rowling instead insists on pulling him down, and down, and down, then gives us Harry saying “she’s like my sister, I thought you knew” as if that somehow would fix the self-esteem issues and the self-hatred and the sheer abuse Ron is subjected to by his friends - and for someone as obsessed with "love redeems” as Rowling is, it probably is, but those of us suffering from depression know better. Even though the Epilogue shows us Ron being happy and confident enough to joke about fame, it still leaves a bitter taste in the mouth when you realize that Ron-bashers take the “Confunded the instructor” lines to absurd levels and use it as “proof” that Ron is a bad husband / lazy / a cheater / etc... when it’s immediately followed by -

"I only forgot to look in the wing mirror, and let's face it, I can use a Supersensory Charm for that."

This is basically Ron doing the wizard equivalent of the rear-view camera. But of course, bashfics have been written to make it so Ron causes a horrible crash accident and Hermione calls for divorce and blah blah blah sigh.

#vivi answers #ask #ron weasley #ron weasley defense squad #ron weasley defence squad #romione #hermione critical #harry potter #hp meta #harry potter series #anti jk rowling

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thr-333 · 4 years ago

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Could you possibly do one where Mari/Mari and marine is/are the daughter/son of the joker?

I actually planned quite a lot for this after you asked but could never get my thoughts to make something comprehensive so I give up here's what I got!:

-Twins are Joker and Harleys kids born before the two split up(and so help me they will split up this story needs gay aunt Ivy)

-As you might know, these two clowns have another kid; Lucy. Harley left Lucy with her sister when she was born. In canon, she thinks Harley is her aunt but I would say in this fic she learned the truth when the twins were also dropped off.

-So the twins grew up in Gotham with their aunt and big sister knowing full well who their parents are; as such they make the responsible choice to suppress every part of themselves that resembles them and constantly dye their hair in an effort to avoid looking like them. You know healthy coping mechanisms. -

-Naturally, Marinette has brown hair with blue eyes and Marion blonde with brown eyes.

-Their personalities are a bit different from Mismatch.

-Marion is still a trickster and a trouble maker but this time around has Marinette fully involved and responsible for his shenanigans. He has a bit of a habit of talking to himself(or singing random phrases), sometimes in the third person; he hates when he does, so Marinette always tells him off. He’s always gets the impulse of dying his hair outlandish colors and will vehemently deny his favorite color is green.

- Marinette is crafty, both figuratively and literally. She’s smart, her mother is a doctor after all she can be manipulative to people that arent her(close) family to protect the ones she cares about. She has a deep-seated fear of becoming a trophy, an object to be put on display like her mother and so dresses the opposite and pushes away her love for fashion.

-They will always call each other Mari but if someone else tries they both answer its a nickname they strictly use for each other.

-In a world where Gotham exists it makes absolutely no sense that Gabriel wouldn't start his reign as Hawkmoth in Gotham(the place with the most negative emotions like geez) so that works out perfectly for the twins becoming heroes(Adrien can move to Gotham or be left in Paris to be kept safe your choice)

-Instead of the twins proving themselves by helping an old man up off the street they go a step further is beating up the thugs that try to rob him(all Fu’s set up of course). When they come home to find two mysterious boxes on their beds they make the only rational conclusion children of the joker would; it’s a bomb!

-Not wanting to get the police involved for obvious reasons they find the security footage(which gets the police involved in a different way) and start tracking down fu to see why he’s trying to kill him.

-And as you may recall at this point in canon Ladybug and Chat Noir are defeating an Akuma, well they're not here they’re off to beat up an old man so thats Batman’s job for the time being.

-The twins get caught up in the fight as civilians and are saved by Batman who immediately recognizes them(you don't think Batman has case files on all of Jokers hellspawn?) so that’s gonna be a problem later but never mind that for now~

-The twins track down Fu, who is wondering why they aren’t out fighting the Akuma. Long story short Fu comes back to the house with them and proves they aren't bombs giving them the miraculous.

-I’m a bit indecisive on the names. I thought Marinette would be Red Bug and Marion Black Cat(yes I know that names already taken I don’t care). But I thought Crimson Bug would work better because then their names would start with the same letters. Then I wanted alliteration like Black Bug and Crimson Cat but that obviously doesn't make any sense since Chats color is green not red-- then I realized it would be completely in character for them to call themselves that confusing everyone in the process so no one quite sure whos name is who(if you wanna write it go with whatever I just thought it could be funny)

-As for costumes Marinette's probably wouldn't be skin tight because deep down she really doesn't want to look like that but more practical armor or less form-fitting at least. Marion's hair turns green when he transforms something he freaks out about and Marinette's turns red(glowing or not either would look cool)

-So anyway they go off to defeat the akuma blah blah blah Batman seeing these two young untrained superheroes can only think of one thing: I have to adopt them. So that’s gonna be fun!

-Anyway they go back home trying to be sneaky and immediately get caught by Lucy: ”Don’t tell Aunty!”-- ”Oh I already know” (her names Delia by the way)

- So now the twins get a support system and a family that will look out for them unbelievable right? This support system immediately threatens Fu making sure he actually trains them and doesn't just set them loose on Gotham.

Anyway that's the end of my semi-cohesive plan and here's a vague outline for the fic:

1. Becoming ladybug and chat noir setting up adoption, and school(Bruce invites them to Gotham academy to keep an eye on the jokers children)

2. First day at school setting up Artemis(and by extension young justice), and own passions, Adrien is also at this school now so Marinette falls, Jason finds out falling in love with Marion

3. Becoming friends with Artemis, convinces them to give their passions a try, Marion runs from hood, some let me adopt you stuff also Jason's spite for Cat Noir

4. Skip a bit of time a few months or so, young justice need help Artemis suggest mari and mari, Marinette has a smackdown with batman about their heritage, at odds with young justice Artemis comes to their defense. Young Justice have an ‘oh’ realization on the job when Marion sings a lullaby to a scared child, now the young justice form the mari and mari protection squad

5. Doing ladybug and cat stuff batman approaches them again this time luring them into adoption with a partnership on finding hawkmoth, Red Hood and cat fight. Marion comes back all huffy and there's a scene with Lucy this time comforting them, Marion goes out to get air runs into hood marion bristles stirring Jason to meet him as a civilian, class come to visit, at odds with lila

6. Doing well at school even made a few friends when the Paris class come to visit completely under lila’s control, lila tries to slander the twins for not worshiping her only to out herself when she tells everyone they laughed at her(the twins never laugh), Jason also drops by further discrediting her, lila tries to throw their heritage in their face but they get support openly working with heroes as civilians, this little section ends quite happily with them being sort of accepted at school and batman tolerating their existence for not attacking the person who tried to make their life miserable

7. Time skip few years out of high school now, ladybug and cat are working well with gothams vigilantes widely considered part of the batfam even if no one knows each other's identities. As mari and mari they are doing good work mainly outside of gotham. Marinette is starting a fashion boutique with a little financial help from Wayne enterprises she also does costume design for heroes and villains, villains mainly because she can't stand their current outfits. Marion quite likes his music but isn't sure how he will feel in the public eye is great friends with Jason and the skip picks up with them officially starting to go out identities unknown. They are still hesitant about their identities in civilian life Marinette starting her business under a false name and Marion cant start his because of his heritage. Jason officially has to admit they are going out to the family is met with grilling by aunt and sister, joy by harley once she tries giving them sex advice they leave, his brothers tease and both are tense about Bruces reaction but he begrudgingly accepts. Are out as ladybug and Cat still snippy with hood but it’s not as bad they are closing in on hawkmoth. Go to hang out with young justice as well they aren't well-liked in Gotham but they’re fine with that(not really)

8. NOW things can go to shit joker finally has enough of them deciding to get a hold of them but I think it should be as ladybug and chat revealing their identities to the world. The twins are terrified rightfully so. Get saved now it’s weird between hood and marion, marion feeling betrayed Jason knew who he was and knew who his father was but still decided to date him and he just can't understand why. Adrien was so scared for Marinette and now they both have to work out why. Gotham is at odds the heroes they admire are born from a villain they fear. Bats are a bit weird feeling like they were tricked while also kind of acknowledging the twins are good people

9. Harassed in their everyday life now the twins go to young justice where they get met with awe for being established independent heros, bats there are acting weird but the twins say something to shift perspective leaving to let them mull on it. Jason tries to apologise saying he doesn't see Marion like that blah blah Marion has a breakdown asking how he can be anything but a villain. Marinette's having whiplash going from loved to hated and still dealing with the trauma of seeing her father. They snap. In public a big ol scene and they get akumatised everyone sees it, it’s on tv. Hawkmoth comes out to get their miraculous the batfam can’t beat him. He’s monolouging probing at their deepest fears when they snap back to reality realizing none of it’s true every part of them has worked to be good people and they are they don't hand over their miraculous beating the akumatizaton and beating hawkmoth while akumatised.

10. They are released from the hospital a few days later, getting hesitant recognition on the streets. It's not thunderous applause but it is something. Their family comes to pick them up, Adrien is crying to Marinette about not scaring him like that(her family took him in when Gabriel was revealed). Marion gets picked up by Jason they patch things over. They get accepted into the batfam and work as ladybug and cat for everything. Marion decides to start playing music and Marinette reveals her face to her fashion brand.

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astudyinfreewill · 4 years ago

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look what you made me do || 1/?

aka: me making taylor swift songs about dean winchester and/or deancas bc it’s what dean himself would want

(i will be keeping track of these with a masterpost, just in case i need to find them again or someone enjoys seeing me go hogwild on lyric analysis, lol. also, there’s a wee treat at the end of the post!)

and without further ado, our first tswift x dean song is...

the archer

combat, i'm ready for combat i say i don't want that, but what if i do?

we start off with an extremely obvious line: dean winchester is always ready for combat - he’s been trained all his life to essentially be a soldier/vigilante figure, an ultimate warrior of sorts. the thing is... he doesn’t want to. when dean is left to his own devices, without his father to order him around or a Big Bad to spur him on, what he chooses to do is is cook for his loved ones, have movie nights with them, play music, tinker with parts to build something new. at his core dean is kind, and full of care for others, and his deepest fear is that he truly IS nothing more than just a killer or a weapon - hence the ‘but what if i do’.

'cause cruelty wins in the movies i've got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you

‘the movies’ here is just shorthand for everything he’s witnessed happening around him in real life. as far as dean’s experience goes, cruelty does win. why believe in softness and kindness when your father has taught you that either of those things is a weakness, and the world simply doesn’t care?

as for the second line, well. you can guess what THAT’s about. dean feels so deeply, but really struggles to verbalise his feelings, often brushing them off until he explodes. we usually see him at his most vulnerable while praying to cas, but even then, you get the sense that he’s holding back on so much. (“cas, i need to say something--” “you don’t need to say it, dean.” so it goes, so it goes.)

easy they come, easy they go i jump from the train, i ride off alone i never grew up, it's getting so old help me hold onto you

a few points here: “i jump from the train” could easily be a callback to dean’s impulsive self-sacrificing ways, and “i never grew up” underlines how he never got the chance to evolve and grow into himself because he got essentially stuck in the “child parenting another child” role. sure, he had to be a mother and a father to sam, so in some ways he grew up really fast; in others, he was stuck as an insecure teenager, because he never got the opportunity for healthy emotional growth himself.

and of course, “easy they come, easy they go” is a tragically accurate representation of dean’s most devastating insecurity: that everyone he loves eventually leaves him. mary died, john was constantly absent, cassie broke up with him when he tried to tell her the truth, sam left him behind for college, and then, of course, there’s cas... who just. keeps. leaving, one way or another, and dean just desperately wants him to stay - which also ties into “help me hold on to you”. the irony of it all, of course, is that dean wants castiel to choose not to leave, whereas castiel desperately wants to be asked to stay; and ain’t that just a fucking tragedy.

i've been the archer, i've been the prey who could ever leave me, darling? (but who could stay?)

the first line is pretty self-explanatory: dean has been both aggressor and victim, both literally and emotionally. he’s a fearsome hunter who gets hunted down by monsters in turn; and he’s lashed out and pushed people away, while getting his heart broken in return too.

but it’s the second part that really strikes me as a dean line, because the first half - “who could ever leave me, darling?” - is the bravado that dean wears like a mask. charming smile, a flirty wink, swagger in like you own the place, “i think i’m adorable”, “i’m a joy to be around”, etc. but the second part... that’s the whisper of truth behind it. for all that dean can turn the charm on and put on a brave face, he’s thoroughly convinced that he’s not worth sticking around for.

dark side, i search for your dark side but what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?

so, can you say trust issues? remember how long it took for dean to believe an angel could be on his side, and then how deeply he came to trust cas? and remember how heartbroken he was when castiel betrayed them in s6, and how that heartbreak was covered up with anger when cas came back? yet, no matter how many twists and turns they go through, inevitably, dean ends up trusting cas with his life - he’s not only the definition of a ride-or-die, but he also trusts him in smaller, more intimate ways, such as letting down his guard and allowing himself to be vulnerable only around him, or praying to him for comfort as much as guidance.

and i cut off my nose just to spite my face then hate my reflection for years and years

...but because of those trust issues, and because of dean’s deeply entrenched abandonment issues as mentioned above, often dean ends up reacting to things more harshly than is needed, by lashing out in anger and pushing people away (or, in more than one occasion, through the infamous silent treatment). but we also know he immediately regrets it, because it ends up hurting him just as much, if not more. basically this correlates to his speech from 15x09 about his anger issues.

i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost the room is on fire, invisible smoke and all of my heroes died all alone help me hold onto you

there’s also the fact that having attachments as a hunter isn’t exactly safe, and comes with a shitton of fear of losing people - or remorse and regret when you do lose them. “the room is on fire, invisible smoke” - i can only imagine dean would still have nightmares of that fateful night when he was 4 years old and his mother burned alive on a ceiling (and so: “i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost). as for his heroes dying alone... mary. john. ellen. jo. ash. kevin. charlie. the list stretches way too long. it’s only natural he’d be afraid of losing cas too... especially since he’s already died multiple times, and dean has mourned him more and more devastatingly each time.

i've been the archer, i've been the prey screaming “who could ever leave me, darling”-- but who could stay?

the same concept as the previous chorus, except that here the façade of confidence and swagger comes off almost as desperate (screaming “who could ever leave me”). but then we know overcompensating is kinda dean’s thing.

'cause they see right through me, they see right through me they see right through me -- can you see right through me? they see right through me, they see right through me i see right through me, i see right through me

and we circle back to dean’s constant fear of being found worthless, damaged, and unlovable. no matter how much bravado he puts on, his actual self-worth is close to non-existent, so of course he’d feel like a fraud, and it makes sense he’d fear other people seeing through his act, or wonder if they do - can cas see right through him? because dean himself certainly isn’t buying his own lies.

all the king's horses, all the king's men couldn't put me together again 'cause all of my enemies started out friends help me hold onto you

the first line just... hurts me a lot. i guess it’s the nursery rhyme sound of it, almost trying to take the bite of a statement which is, essentially: i’m broken beyond repair. as i said above, dean’s not buying his own lies, he knows exactly how much baggage and trauma he carries. and not to go back to the trust issues again, but it is hard to believe someone could see past that when there’s so much betrayal in your history (which, yes, has included cas at one point too, as well as sam, or, say, fucking chuck).

i've been the archer, i've been the prey who could ever leave me, darling? (but who could stay?) who could stay? who could stay? you could stay, you could stay...

and then... we have the third repeat of the chorus, which echoes the first, softer version of it, but with a fundamental difference. this time, the rhetorical question “who could stay?” finds a pointed answer in “you could stay”. because yes, maybe cas leaves a lot, but he always, always comes back. so i’d imagine dean harbours hope that one day, maybe, cas will want to actually... stay for good.

combat, i'm ready for combat

and that hope kinda gives this final line a whole new lovely layer of meaning: dean’s no longer ready for combat just because he’s been trained for combat all his life; rather, he’s ready for combat because for once in his life, he has something to look forward to; something to fight for: the happy ending he deserves, where someone - perhaps someone in a dirty trenchcoat and tired blue eyes - will finally stay.

---

BONUS: literally the day after i started obsessing over this song as a dean song, i found a fanvid of it! if that’s not serendipitous, i don’t know what is <3

#spn #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #taylor swift #meta #mp #long post for ts #uuh how else to tag this #tswift x dean winchester #??? that sounds like a ship #anyway. i know there's been some interest in this so hopefully it doesn't disappoint #and if you wanna be tagged in these/suggest songs lmk!!!#lwymmd

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adgiggles · 4 years ago

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It's not just other people we need to forgive. We also need to forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done.

- Mitch Albom

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. - C.S. Lewis

Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain. - Bob Dylan

Being brave enough to be alone frees you up to invite people into your life because you want them and not because you need them. - Mandy Hale

Every time the heart breaks it is shaping into the heart it’s going to become. It’s up to you if it is going to be art or just a stone, sculptor. - Lidia Longorio

You keep storing up all that anger and grief. Eventually it spills over. Or you drown in it. - Leigh Bardugo

To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueller than I've been to me. - Alanis Morissette

I forgot that you existed and I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't. And it was so nice, so peaceful and quiet, I forgot that you existed. It isn't love, it isn't hate, it's just indifference. - Taylor Swift

Getting over a painful expereince is much like crossing the monkey bars.

You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. - C.C. Lewis

The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. - Joss Whedon

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before - more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle. - Charles Dickens

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. - Henry David Thoreau

If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. - Paulo Coelho

Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I've built my life around you. But time makes you bolder even children get older. And I'm getting older, too. - Stevie Nicks

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.

- Aristotle

I still remember the person I once was and I really miss me. - Michael Faudet

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

God whispered, "You endured a lot. For that I am truly sorry, but grateful. I needed you to struggle to help so many. Through that process you would grow into who you have now become. Didn't you know that I gave all my struggles to my favorite children? One only needs to look at the struggles given to your older brother Jesus to know how important you have been to me. - Shannon L. Alder

My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present. - Steve Goodier

And here you are living despite it all. - Rupi Kaur

And gradually his memory slipped a little, as memories do, even those with so much love attached to them; as if there is an unconscious healing process within the mind which mends up in spite of our desperate determination never to forget. - Colleen McCullough

Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been. - Sylvester McHutt

Perhaps someday I’ll crawl back home, beaten, defeated. But not as long as I can make stories out of my heartbreak, beauty out of sorrow. - Sylvia Plath

It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here. - James Baldwin

It won't be like this forever.

One day, someone's going to want your voice as the soundtrack to the rest of their life.

- Maxwell Diawuoh

…at some point in a woman’s life, she just gets tired of being ashamed all the time. After that, she is free to become whoever she truly is. - Elizabeth Gilbert

At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can. - Frida Kahlo

I was infatuated once with a foolish, besotted affection, that clung to him in spite of his unworthiness, but it is fairly gone now - wholly crushed and withered away; and he has none but himself and his vices to thank for it.

- Anne Brontë

Sometimes you have to lose all you have to find out who you truly are. - Roy T. Bennett

And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter - they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. - Sylvia Plath

What brings us to tears, will lead us to grace. Our pain is never wasted. - Bob Goff

And so I wait. I wait for time to heal the pain and raise me to me feet once again - so that I can start a new path, my own path, the one that will make me whole again. - Jack Canfield

You don't need another human being to make your life complete. But let's be honest, having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn't see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into, is the most calming thing in this world. - Emery Allen

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it. - Paulo Coelho

The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. - Maya Angelou

But pain's like water. It finds a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface. - Katie Kacvinsky

Even when muddy your wings sparkle bright wonders that heal broken worlds. - Aberjhani

It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here. - James Baldwin

Listen to God with a broken heart. He is not only the doctor who mends it, but also the father who wipes away the tears. ― Criss Jami

I think that little by little I'll be able to solve my problems and survive. - Frida Kahlo

We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full. - Marcel Proust

The human heart has a way of making itself large again even after it's been broken into a million pieces. - Robert James Waller

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either,

for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

- Louise Erdrich

'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.' No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster. - Dalai Lama XIV

No one around me knows who I am, what I'm on, who I've hurt and where they've gone. I know that I've done some wrong but I'm trying to make it right. - Halsey

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. - Ernest Hemingway

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. - Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end. - Robin Sharma

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. - Socrates

We have to be whole people to find whole love. - Cheryl Strayed

Everybody’s damaged. It’s just a question of how badly, and whether you’re healing or still bleeding. - Angela N. Blount

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romancatholicreflections · 6 years ago

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26th August >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on John 6:60-69 for the Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle B: ‘Do you want to go away too?’.

Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle B.

Gospel (Europe, Africa, New Zealand, Australia & Canada)

John 6:60-69

Who shall we go to? You are the Holy One of God

After hearing his doctrine many of the followers of Jesus said, ‘This is intolerable language. How could anyone accept it?’ Jesus was aware that his followers were complaining about it and said, ‘Does this upset you? What if you should see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before?

‘It is the spirit that gives life,

the flesh has nothing to offer.

The words I have spoken to you are spirit

and they are life.

‘But there are some of you who do not believe.’ For Jesus knew from the outset those who did not believe, and who it was that would betray him. He went on, ‘This is why I told you that no one could come to me unless the Father allows him.’ After this, many of his disciples left him and stopped going with him.

Then Jesus said to the Twelve, ‘What about you, do you want to go away too?’ Simon Peter answered, ‘Lord, who shall we go to? You have the message of eternal life, and we believe; we know that you are the Holy One of God.’

Gospel (USA)

John 6:60–69

To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

Many of Jesus’ disciples who were listening said, “This saying is hard; who can accept it?” Since Jesus knew that his disciples were murmuring about this, he said to them, “Does this shock you? What if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? It is the spirit that gives life, while the flesh is of no avail. The words I have spoken to you are Spirit and life. But there are some of you who do not believe.” Jesus knew from the beginning the ones who would not believe and the one who would betray him. And he said, “For this reason I have told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by my Father.”

As a result of this, many of his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him. Jesus then said to the Twelve, “Do you also want to leave?” Simon Peter answered him, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”

Reflections (5)

(i) Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time

Terry Anderson was an American journalist who was held captive in Lebanon for seven years during the civil war there. In spite of everything he went through, he continued to be a man of deep faith. He subsequently wrote a book of poems on his experience entitled Den of Lions. In one of those poems he describes a Eucharist in a Lebanese prison. ‘Five men huddled close/ against the night and our oppressors/ around a bit of stale bread/ hoarded from a scanty meal/ and a candle, lit not only as/ a symbol but to read the text by./ The priest’s as poorly clad/ as drawn with strain as any,/ but his voice is calm, his face serene’. The poem concludes, ‘The familiar prayers come/ straight out of our hearts./ Once again, Christ’s promise is fulfilled; his presence fills us./ The miracle is real’. His poem is a truly remarkable profession of faith in the Eucharist in an hour of great darkness.

This morning’s gospel reading is the conclusion of that long teaching in chapter 6 of John’s gospel on Jesus as the Bread of Life. Towards the end of that teaching Jesus says, ‘my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me and I in them’. Jesus is declaring there that he wants to give us the gift of his flesh and blood, the gift of himself. He gave that gift of himself to all humanity on the cross. At every Eucharist he renews this gift of himself to us. Saint Paul declares in his first letter to the church in Corinth, ‘As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes’. Paul recognized very clearly the intimate connection between the Lord’s self-gift to us in his death on the cross and his self-gift to us in the Eucharist. It is evident from Terry Anderson’s poem that those five men in that Lebanese prison also deeply appreciated the extra-ordinary gift they were being given in that simple Eucharist. That same self-emptying love of Jesus on the cross was sacramentally present to them in the Eucharist. This is a love through which Jesus gathers people into communion with each other and with himself. It is fitting that one of the terms we have come to use for the Eucharist is ‘Holy Communion’. Through the Eucharist, we are brought into a deeply spiritual communion with each other and with the Lord.

The Eucharist is an extra-ordinary gift from the Lord to us, and, yet, today’s gospel shows that some of his own followers were slow to receive this gift. They struggled to accept Jesus’ self-gift of his flesh and blood. ‘This is intolerable language’, they said, ‘How could anyone accept it?’ When Jesus spoke of himself as the Bread of Life he had initially met opposition from the Jewish religious authorities. Yet, now, the opposition was coming from his own disciples. The gospel reading goes on to tell us that because of Jesus’ teaching on the Eucharist, ‘many of his disciples left him and stopped going with him’. I often think that this is one of the more poignant verses in the gospels. It can resonate with some of us because there may have been times in our lives when we felt like walking away from the Eucharist. We can do so for a whole variety of reasons. Perhaps, like the disciples in the gospel reading, we cannot quite bring ourselves to believe in it.

Jesus was helpless before the decision of some of his disciples to leave him. He is profoundly respectful of the mystery of human freedom, even when that freedom expresses itself in ways that are not in keeping with his desire for us. When faced with the Lord’s gifts, we can always turn away. At its deepest level, faith is a gift; it is due to the working of God’s grace in our lives. Yet, at another level, faith is a choice. The Lord has chosen us first and having chosen us he keeps on investing in us. Yet, he waits for us to respond to his choice of us with our own personal choice of him, a choice we make not just as individuals but within a community. That is why in today’s gospel reading, after many of his disciples had ceased going with him, he turns to the twelve and says, ‘What about you? Do you want to go away too?’ It is a question that is addressed to all of us; it calls on us to make our own personal choice of the Lord who has chosen us. In response to that question, we can do no better than make our own the answer of Peter, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the message of eternal life’. We give expression to that answer of Peter every time we come to the Eucharist. Our decision to come to the Eucharist every Sunday is a very concrete way of choosing the Lord and all he stands for. In that sense, the Eucharist is both the sacrament of the Lord’s giving of himself to us and of our personal and communal giving of ourselves to him.

And/Or

(ii) Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time

The story is told of a man who met an old school friend whom he hadn’t seen for years. There was an attractive woman by his side. Smiling, the man asked his friend, ‘By any chance, is this your wife?’ With a twinkle in his eye, the man replied, ‘Not by chance, my friend, but by choice’. We make choices every day. Some of these choices are deeply significant and shape the rest of our lives, as when a man and a woman choose to give themselves to each other in marriage for life. The more significant the choice we make, the more important it becomes to choose well. For us as followers of the Lord, to choose well is to choose as the Lord would want us to choose, to choose in a way that corresponds to his desire for our lives and for our world.

The readings today focus on significant moments of choice in the life of God’s people. In the first reading, Joshua put a fundamental choice before the people. They must choose either to serve the local gods of the land or to serve the Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Moses. Joshua was aware that the people had already chosen the Lord, but he also knew that their choice of the Lord, like every important choice in life, had to be renewed again and again. In the gospel reading Jesus faced his own disciples with a significant choice. They must choose either to follow him or to walk away from him and take another path. Jesus was aware that his disciples had already chosen to follow him, but, like Joshua, he also knew that this was a choice the disciples needed to renew over and over again.

The more significant the choice that we make, the more we need to remake that choice throughout our lives. The decision to serve the Lord, to follow the Lord, is the most significant choice we could make in life. In choosing the Lord, we are choosing a way of life, a way of looking at life and a way of living life. In making such a choice and re-making it over and over again, we are taking a fundamental stance in life, a gospel stance, one that influences a whole range of other choices we will make in life. That is not to say that everything we say and do will always be shaped by that stance. None of us are totally consistent. Yet, we will probably be aware when what we say and do is not in tune with our choice of the Lord, and we will at least have the desire to bring our choices more into line with our choice of the Lord.

It might seem strange to some that this very basic life-choice was initially made for us, by our parents when they brought us to the church for baptism. Yet, that choice they made for us was not any stranger than the many other choices they made for us out of love for us, such as their choice to feed us, to clothe us and to keep us warm. There comes a time in all our lives when we have to confirm for ourselves the choice of the Lord that our parents made for us. One of the key moments we make their choice our own is when we come to the Eucharist. In a sense, at every Mass, the Lord turns and says to us, ‘What about you, do you want to go away?’ At every Mass, we are given the opportunity to say with Simon Peter in the gospel reading, ‘Lord, who shall we go to? You have the message of eternal life, and we believe; we know that you are the Holy One of God’. That is one of the reasons why the church, from earliest times, has given such a high priority to the Sunday Eucharist. It is at the Sunday Eucharist that we re-make the most fundamental choice we can make in life, the choice Jesus put before his disciples, and that Joshua put to the people of Israel. We come here week after week to say ‘Yes’, to say ‘Amen’ to our choice of the Lord.

When it comes to remaining faithful to that fundamental choice of the Lord, we are very dependant on each other. We need the example of each other’s faithfulness. Being with others who themselves keep coming back to re-make that choice of the Lord, helps me to keep making that same choice. The people of Israel must have been greatly supported in their choosing by Joshua when he came forward and said, ‘As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord’. The other disciples in the gospel reading must have been enormously steadied when Peter stood up and said, on their behalf’, ‘Lord, to whom can we go? You have the message of eternal life’. We need the likes of Joshua and Peter to give a lead, to encourage the rest of us. In a way, we are called to be a Joshua and a Peter for each other, to support each other in the re-making and living of our choice of the Lord. My faithfulness to my choice of the Lord makes it easier for everyone else to be faithful to theirs. My lack of faithfulness makes it more difficult for everybody else. Paul’s words to the church of Thessalonica about 20 years after the death and resurrection of Jesus is as valid today as it was then, ‘Encourage one another, and build up each other, as indeed you are doing’.

And/Or

(iii) Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time

Most of us were probably baptized as infants. Our parents presented us for baptism shortly after we were born. At some level, they sensed that being christened, becoming a Christian, was a blessing that they should open us up to at a very early age. At baptism we were united with Christ in a special way, becoming members of his body, the church, receiving a share of his Spirit, the Holy Spirit, who prompted us to cry out ‘Abba, Father’ to God, as Christ did. In presenting us for baptism our parents were making a very fundamental decision on our behalf. They made that decision for us because they valued their own relationship with Christ and with his church.

I suspect that all of us who are at Mass here this morning are grateful to our parents for making such a fundamental decision for us so early in our lives. As we grew into childhood and then into adolescence and into adulthood, we will have had opportunities to make our own the decision our parents made for us. Your presence here at Mass today is a sign that you have done just that. The weekly Eucharist is our opportunity to renew our baptism, to keep on making for ourselves the choice of Christ that our parents made for us. The Eucharist has always been understood in the church since the earliest days as a sacrament of initiation, the third sacrament of initiation after baptism and confirmation. Of the three sacraments of initiation, the Eucharist is the only one that we celebrate repeatedly. We can only be baptized and confirmed once, whereas we can celebrate the Eucharist on a weekly or even a daily basis. Because the Eucharist is a sacrament of initiation, in coming to the Eucharist we are making a statement that we want to belong to Christ and to his church. Coming to Mass is a public statement that we want to remain in Christ and in his church.

There may be times in our lives when we are unsure whether or not we want to go on making that statement. Many members of Christ’s church find themselves asking at some point in the course of their lives whether or not they want to go on belonging. They can find themselves hesitating, and for a whole variety of reasons. We are given a good example of that kind of hesitation among believers in today’s gospel reading. The evangelist tells us that many of Jesus’ followers found his teaching on the Eucharist intolerable. They could not accept his talk about the need to eat his flesh and to drink his blood. Jesus’ teaching on the Eucharist became a stumbling block for them. As a result, the evangelist tells us, ‘many of his disciples left him and stopped going with him’. Even in Jesus’ own lifetime, it seems, not everyone who became one of his disciples went on to remain one. Jesus did not hold on to people against their will. In the gospel reading he even turns to the twelve and says to them, ‘What about you, do you want to go away too?’ He took the risk of loosing his key associates. Even though he had chosen them for a special mission, he waited on them to choose him freely, without compulsion. His teaching on the Eucharist was a moment of decision for his own disciples. It brought to a head where they stood – did they want to stay with him or leave him? Did they want to confirm their initial decision to be his followers or to reverse it? The Eucharist remains that kind of moment of decision today for Jesus’ disciples. Our presence or absence at the Eucharist is making an important statement about where we stand in regard to Christ and his church. Even though there may be people here this morning who wonder about the strength of their faith and who are very aware of the reality of religious doubt within them, your presence here is a sign that at some level you want to make your own Peter’s confession of faith in today’s gospel reading: ‘Lord who shall we go to? You have the message of eternal life, and we believe; we know that you are the Holy One of God’. It is as if Peter was saying, ‘If I don’t give my life to you, who or what do I give it too?’

Many of those who were baptized into Christ have ceased to come to Sunday Eucharist, as we know. Yet, many of these do come to Mass at Christmas and Easter, or even just at Christmas. That too is a statement. They have not given up on the Eucharist completely or on Christ and his church, and he has certainly not given up on them. The Lord continues to draw us to himself, even when, like the disciples in the gospel reading, we stop going with him. A little later in John’s gospel, Jesus says of himself, ‘When I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to myself’. The Lord draws us to himself because he loves us with a greater love. ‘No one has greater love than this’, he says, ‘than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends’. Yet, in drawing us he awaits our assent to being drawn. Genuine love is always respectful of freedom. Our assent to the drawing of the Lord can take time to mature and it can involve many twists and turns. Peter who made the wonderful confession of faith in today’s gospel reading went on to deny the Lord publicly. Yet, the Lord gave Peter the opportunity to renew his earlier public profession of faith. The Lord gives us the same opportunity and he will give it as often as we need it.

And/Or

(iv) Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time

We make choices every day. Some of these choices are deeply significant and shape the rest of our lives, as when a man and a woman choose to give themselves to each other in marriage for life. The more significant the choice we make, the more important it becomes to choose well. We carefully consider our significant choices, such as the choice young people make when they fill in their CAO form, or the choice people make when it comes to a place to live.

The readings today focus on significant moments of choice in the life of God’s people. In the first reading, Joshua put a fundamental choice before the people. They must choose either to serve the local gods of the land or to serve the Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Moses. Joshua was aware that the people had already chosen the Lord, but he also knew that their choice of the Lord, like many of the most important choices in life, needed to be renewed again and again. In the gospel reading Jesus faced his own disciples with a significant choice. They must choose either to follow him or to walk away from him and take another path. Jesus was aware that his disciples had already chosen to follow him, but, like Joshua, he also knew that this was a choice the disciples needed to renew over and over again.

The more significant the choice that we make, the more we need to remake that choice throughout our lives. The decision to serve the Lord, to follow the Lord, is the most significant choice we could make in life. In choosing the Lord, we are choosing a way of life, a way of looking at life and a way of living life. In making such a choice and re-making it over and over again, we are taking a fundamental stance in life, one that influences a whole range of other choices we will make in life. That is not to say that everything we say and do will always be shaped by that fundamental stance. None of us are totally consistent. Yet, if we are in any way self reflective, we will probably be aware when what we say and do is not in tune with our choice of the Lord, and we will at least have the desire to bring our lives more fully into line with our choice of the Lord.

It might seem strange to some that this very basic life-choice for the Lord was initially made for us by our parents, when they brought us to the church for baptism as infants. Yet, that choice they made for us as infants was not any stranger than the many other choices they made for us out of love for us at that age; we were simply not able to choose for ourselves. There comes a time in all our lives when we have to confirm for ourselves the choice of the Lord that our parents made for us. One of the key moments we make our parent’s choice our own is when we come to the Eucharist. In a sense, at every Mass, the Lord turns and says to us what he said to Peter, ‘What about you, do you want to go away?’ At every Mass, we are given the opportunity to say with Simon Peter in the gospel reading, ‘Lord, who shall we go to? You have the message of eternal life, and we believe; we know that you are the Holy One of God’. That is one of the reasons why the church, from earliest times, has given such a high priority to our presence at the Sunday Eucharist. It is at the Sunday Eucharist that we re-make the most fundamental choice we can make in life, the choice Jesus put before his disciples, and that Joshua put before the people of Israel. We come to Mass Sunday and Sunday to renew our baptismal choice of the Lord. Past choices need to be kept alive by renewed commitment.

When it comes to remaining faithful to that fundamental choice of the Lord, we are very dependant on each other. We need the example of each other’s faithfulness. Being with others at Mass who themselves keep coming back to re-make that choice of the Lord, helps me to keep remaking that same choice. That is why our presence at Sunday is important for everyone else. The people of Israel must have been greatly supported in their choosing the Lord by Joshua who came forward and said, ‘As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord’. In the gospel reading, the disciples must have been enormously steadied when Peter stood up and said, on their behalf, ‘Lord, to whom can we go? You have the message of eternal life’. We all need the likes of Joshua and Peter to give a lead, to encourage the rest of us, when our own faith may be faltering. There are times in life when our faith in challenged, when we are tempted to wander off, as some of the disciples did in the gospel reading. It is above all then that we need each other’s witness, each other’s faithfulness. In that sense, we are all called to be a Joshua and a Peter for each other, to support each other in the re-making and living of our choice of the Lord.

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ahjiee-rana · 7 years ago

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Massive Ardyn Headcanon/Theory Dump Ahead.

Until it’s proven otherwise, my headcanon for where the name “Izunia” came from is that it was the name of Ardyn’s late lover.

I believe Ardyn chose ‘Izunia’ because it meant something to him once. So, it brought me to the conclusion that he took on their name much like married people do. His other motives for doing this are many, depending on the multitude of things that could have happened to him.

Perhaps it’s as simple as that... he took on the name in remembrance of his deceased love. I have no doubt that they did not die painlessly. But he likely also decided to use another name because he clearly needed an alias, and that was as good as any. Or, it was out of spite if his love betrayed him - theirs being the deepest cut of all when the world turned on him.

Whenever Ardyn is on-screen, I always keep this quote in mind:

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." - Eric Hoffer, philosopher

What does he do to the main characters?

He wears their faces, kidnaps them, hurts them, or kills them, because his worst memories in life are of those he loved turning against him or being taken from him violently.

Let’s start with Episode Ignis. Ardyn knocks Ignis unconscious for a short time and purposely waits for him to come back to himself so he can force Ignis to watch on helplessly as he holds a blade over Noct. He’s reenacting something here, but what that is, we don’t know yet.

What we do know is that Ardyn wants to take their hope and smash it with a hammer. He wanted Ignis to suffer as Noctis - the man Ignis devoted his every moment toward ensuring his well-being - was murdered right before his eyes.

Ardyn then said to him “Oh, what good is a world that only ever lets you down? Why not end it all right here?” It’s a strange attempt to sympathize with Ignis. This must be a thought Ardyn had been plagued with for a long time, himself. What’s he implying? What game is he trying to play with Ignis? We’ll come back to it.

Because, here’s the thing. Ardyn never really meant to kill Noctis there. He wanted Noctis to get eaten by the Crystal, remember?

He was just playing with Ignis when he made to stab Noctis. He WANTED to see that fear reaction, that utter horror and devastation. Ardyn also did something at that point which immediately struck me as really odd in the original ending. He invites Ignis to join him. The canon is that Ignis pretty much spits at the offer. But Ardyn was obviously hoping Ignis went along with him.

Ardyn explains that his motivations extend beyond his revenge on Noctis and the royal Lucian line. We know this also because in the alternate ending Ardyn admits “I all but laid the Crystal out on a silver platter for [Noctis], but he still wouldn’t come of his own accord. That’s why I needed you.”

Ardyn does not attack Ignis the moment Ignis wakes up in the Keep like he might have if he only wanted to get Ignis alone to lure Noct there. He instead tells him to look for answers and walks away. Ardyn wanted Ignis to see the visions the Crystal showed him of Ardyn’s past, and for Ignis to learn of his motivations. He wanted to show Ignis what he’d become, and what Noctis was destined become as well: a martyr.

It’s not until Ignis knows everything and still refuses to see things his way that Ardyn attacks him.

He lured Ignis to the Keep knowing that Noctis would come for him and thus “expedite the process” of Noctis’s “ascending as [the Crystal’s] champion.” But part of me also wondered why Ardyn would jump through so many hoops just to get to this point.

The main reason being that, for all his posturing, Ardyn still desires to be understood.

This weird little act of Ardyn’s could be for a few other reasons as well. One is that Ardyn might sense something about Ignis - a kinship in which he thinks he can see a murky reflection of his own self (or Izunia). For some reason, he believes Ignis to feel betrayed in a way, as evidenced by that line earlier about the world letting him down. As unbelievable as it may sound, Ardyn might want Noctis to question Ignis’s loyalty if he was actually able to plant the seeds of doubt in Ignis’s mind. We know this would be impossible - we’ve seen Ignis’s devotion again and again. It’s Ardyn’s own experiences of shocking betrayal that make him believe he could sway Ignis otherwise. His past tells him that you can trust no one, because the one you care for most will be the first to jab their knife into your back. Noctis knows Ignis better than that, though. If Ignis was missing, he’d know immediately that he didn’t just pick up and leave of his own volition unless he had a plan.

In the alternate ending when you select “give up” Ardyn says “At least you won’t have to spend your last moments alone.” At first, I connected this to Ardyn’s own feelings of alienation, but then I remembered Izunia. What if they were separated from Ardyn and made to die alone, and violently, too? He then says “As luck would have it, your beloved Noctis is on his way to save you as we speak... I wonder what he’ll do when he sees his friend’s life fade before his eyes.”

He wanted Noctis to witness Ignis’s last moments, body on fire from the inside out, bones cleaved apart, eyes ruined. And he wanted Ignis to feel the full brunt of his utter failure. Being immortal, Ardyn would naturally fear loneliness as everyone he cared about died over time or abandoned him as he was deemed contaminated by the Scourge and driven out. So, he causes others pain by separating them from their friends/loved ones as well, uses their feelings against them, and forces them to question their loyalty.

His first opportunity with Ignis ended in failure. So, he moved on to ‘Plan B’

In the moments leading up to the story of Episode Prompto, Ardyn puts some sort of confusion spell on Noctis so he sees Ardyn in Prompto’s place, forcing Prompto to question his own place with the bros, and then rubbing the secret of his origins in his face. Noctis ignores the signs, as he’s still overcome with grief and anger due to recent events (Prompto-as-Ardyn pleading, “C’mon, Noct. You’re scaring me!” And “dude, are you seriously trying to kill me?” To which Noctis responds in the affirmative: “Why wouldn’t I? [...] What’re you after, following me around this whole time? It’s all YOUR fault”). Ardyn needed to create a rift between them. And he saw Prompto as an easy target, too - the boy from Niflheim who was crafted to be the bane of Noctis’s existence. Prompto was then bound in chains to use as bait. He was just going down the line.

Ardyn seduced Ravus to his side by showing him that he had the pull to help Ravus protect his sister, and then he turned against him when Ravus began to express his beliefs that Noctis was the Chosen One. It was yet another reminder of Ardyn’s first betrayal.

There’s a quote from Ignis (in Episode Duscae) that directly ties into just how crucial Ardyn has been in all of this: “Our past forms the foundation of our present. We mustn’t forget that which made us what we are today.” Ardyn, as the older brother, was presumably meant to be the Founder King - the foundation of the Lucian line - and then he was erased from the books. It was this betrayal that brought them to this point.

It’s abundantly clear that Ardyn views the other main characters as chess pieces he needs to manipulate to reach his desired endgame, and he can’t help but see those who hurt him in each of their faces.

Noctis carries the weight of not being able to protect literally anyone. The entirety of the Crown City is a smoldering crater with countless innocents dead - the very people his family was meant to safeguard. And it seemed to come full circle when Ardyn killed Luna, prompting the beginning of the end. Despite the colossal strength readily at Noctis’s fingertips, it meant nothing when he was once again powerless to prevent even a single person he cared about from dying or enduring terrible pain on his behalf.

These must be feelings that Ardyn felt just as keenly, perhaps for Izunia, perhaps for others as well. But because any mention of him was struck from the records, he’s ensuring everyone will know his story by the end of the journey. And he’s doing so by repeating that history before he inevitably goes for good.

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breanna-lynn · 7 years ago

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Valued

I spent the night wrestling with some lies, thoughts like “I don’t matter” and “I do nothing that makes a difference, I have no value, I am insignificant” coming out my mouth.

Even as I said them, I knew they weren’t true.

They were only how I felt.

I felt like I didn’t matter to others; I felt like there was nothing I was doing making a difference for others; I felt like I had no value to others; I felt I was not significant to others.

It was an awful feeling I couldn’t fix.

The key was these feelings were all in conjunction to how I felt about myself in connection to others.

I really felt like I didn’t matter to anyone.

They didn’t -or couldn’t- see value in me.

I have been devoid of loving community that knows me and makes me feel valued.

And in the midst of that, the problem was not knowing my own value, because I do- but my issue was feeling like nobody else saw that I had value and recognized it, too. That was the discrepancy causing me pain. Why, if I am kind, beautiful, caring, loyal, and have value, do I feel like no one sees value in me?

In my heart, I just felt this longing to be known and loved for who I am. I needed loved. I had this picture in my mind of being in a room, sitting in a circle with a small group of people after meeting together, and they turn their attention to me and say, “Breanna, I love you. I just love you.”

My heart so needed to hear those words from another human being who has seen me, been in my presence, and genuinely feels love for me.

Listen, I am married to my best friend who is so, so loving to me. I am thankful for him and he always reminds me how loved I am, how ‘awesome’ I am, and truly loves me as I am. He’s seen in me in every way and loves me. Not in spite or despite some parts. ALL of me.

I also know I am loved by God. He is always with me, and He has perfect love for me. His love is enough even when my husband fails because he isn’t perfect. God’s love will always outdo and out-fill anyone else in my life. There is none better than the love God has for me!

Yet I still long to be known and loved by a community of people around me.

Listen, this is a desire God placed in us for good!

Not only do we need community, but other people need and benefit from you, too. You do have value, you do matter, and you do make a difference!

I was struggling to believe this about myself because I am in a new situation where I have moved away from home, my family, the state I’ve always lived in, and my life there to a new state, new home, as a new family (husband and wife, six months woo!). I know nobody! And while I have found a church, a roller derby team, and am getting to know a few people I genuinely already appreciate and love, this is all NEW for me! Socially, I have to force myself to get out of our cozy apartment. It’s easy for me to stay here since I am an introvert who loves solitude and finds many social situations over-stimulating/anxiety-inducing. I also have to walk or bike everywhere, not knowing the area super-well yet, because I left my car and have no vehicle when Kyle is away at work. The main challenge is no knowing how to make new friendships in a totally new situation where I know nobody!

This is not the first time I’ve found myself feeling this way, or in a situation like this- longing to be loved in community.

If you can relate, then let’s journey on this together in learning how to build community with the people God presents in our lives. Let’s be willing and brave enough to open up to people. Yes, it takes vulnerability that can feel scary to let people get to know you. I literally sweat when I talk to people because I get nervous, even if it’s going well, lol. I feel I express myself better in writing than speaking aloud- something gets lost between my thoughts and what comes out.

My husband, Kyle, said something that was profound when I was sharing with him how awful people can be and how hard it is to feel truly loved and accepted. He told me, “Well, it’s sad, but unless those people know that kind of love -which they won’t if they haven’t received or understood God’s love for them- then they aren’t able to be that to other people. And the hard truth is, that’s most people.”

That felt depressing to hear, but I agree. Most people are selfish and care mostly about themselves. We are self-serving creatures until we meet Jesus and understand how freeing dying to self is! You know when the times I feel most down are when people are being rude, self-centered, hyper-critical, not being loving or understanding, attacking my character or not seeing me for who I am? That’s normal! Because we hurt each other. We think wrongly regarding each other. We are super grace-giving. We all need redemption, healing, and to know the love of God that sets us free to be able to not only receive love and grace, but to also extend it to others. God values each and every living being. We can, too, if we get His vision and see the way He does.

When people don’t care, when they aren’t interested in you, when they reject, judge, and put you down, that is NOT a time to absorb that as a statement of your self-worth. Their inability or ability to love is not based on YOU. Because Jesus loves the worst of sinners. He didn’t die for some of us. He didn’t just come for the worthy ones. He came for every single living soul that He loves and gives value to. He calls us to be His own. He wants us. Not because we are good, but because HE is. It is HIS love that makes Him so loving of us.

“...We must say to ourselves something like this: 'Well, when Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn't think "I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me." No, he was in agony, and he looked down at us - denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him - and in the greatest act of love in history, he STAYED. He said, "Father, forgive them, they don't know what they are doing." He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. That is why I am going to love...” ― Timothy J. Keller

That is it. You do not have to become “more” or “enough” for people. You CAN be loved as you are, for who you are, even at your ugliest. That kind of love exists. Not just from God, but there are people who understand that kind of love because of God’s love for them, and love others that way. HUMANS WHO LOVE WELL EXIST! Those people may be rare, but those are the ones we should seek relationship and community with the most, on the deepest levels.

So do not worry. Do not fear. You can experience love in community. You will have to show grace at times when others fail, because we all do- but know there are people who love like God loves, and that is a safe place where you can go deep and get close. Find those people. Seek out those relationships and invest in them. Fight for them. Keep them. And don’t you dare doubt or disbelieve that they exist, because they do- you just have to go after them and decide that is the kind of community you’re going to submerge yourself within.

And if you haven’t heard it today, if you need to feel loved, know even without knowing you, and even if I did -even with the worst of your heart or history exposed- I love you. I love you because you are a human being who has value to God and to me, and you are worth knowing, and you are loved in this very moment, not because of anything you have, or do, or look like- but because you are you, and you are loved.

Let’s be loving. Let’s be grace-giving. Let’s be understanding. Let’s be willing.

Everything about our individual value comes from the value God gives us in choosing to love us. I have value. You have value. YOU ARE VALUABLE.

We have value in community and it’s time to bring back value. Let’s value each other. Let us see that value in others and demonstrate that love by making sure people feel they are valued.

“Look at each other. Bring back value.”

- Household

#community #relationship #friendship #God #love #value #valuable #bring back value

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amuelle · 5 years ago

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Fear and love....

That gut churning moment when you are staring the most devastating loss of your life in the face and you realise that all the things you thought were important aren’t that important. No, not like this is important. Panic settles around your heart and starts to slowly squeeze. Your heart feels like its giving out. You are breathing but you know you are dying. Its slow, excruciating death that slowly consumes you. This is a special type of hurt. You can’t cry, wail or make a sound. You freeze. It’s the worst feeling you could ever feel, it’s the worst thing I HAVE EVER FELT! At the height of experiencing this, I forgot everything. What I have to do later that day, what I want for my life every single thing! It’s like every other single thing in life paused at that moment and in that moment there was nothing I wouldn’t give not to be feeling this slow death. It felt like everything had been taken from me, absolutely EVERYTHING! Everything I had ever felt or thought to be devastating hardly compared this…Remember this feeling it’s an integral part of the story….

Cut to today…..

I was meeting with The Artist. Seedy dimly lit bar as ALWAYS and we started with business. Drawings were laid out, notes taken and an itinerary for the weeks to come set. Once the serious stuff is out of the way we usually don’t want to go home and we sit there contemplating if we can afford to have hard liquor or if we should just do a cider and call it a night. It’s never a simple decision to make. We enjoy a break from our mundane routines. After regaling each other with stories about our jobs we always settle back into our favorite topic. Love.

Until that day I had always maintained that I found the love of my life in my 20s. The love Snuggie gave I still feel has never been paralleled, it was unconditional, honest and not once did I ever question how much he loved me. I thought with him by my side the world should fear me because I had all I needed for world domination. I believed in him so much (and he didn’t disappoint). Besides incredible romantic chemistry we were best friends. We were perfectly in tune. Unfortunately as all things in your 20s we ruined it because we both didn’t know what we were doing and neither one of us were very good cheaters so we eventually parted ways. It was a devastating break up. I cried for weeks, lost a ton of weight and then he dated the girl he cheated on me with. I cannot simply say I was hurt. Hurt is an understatement, my heart was emaciated and I thought I would never love again.

That relationship left me forever changed and for the next 10 years I chased that feeling. For 10 years I dated the wrong people because I saw potential in them like I did with Snuggie. Who ever said your 20s were for experiments was RIGHT! I spent my 20s getting to know myself through my dating life. I learned I was like my mother and father more than I’d like to admit. Most importantly I learned that I am a spiteful creature. I would cut my nose off to spite my face and sleep well at night after. Cutting people out of my life isn’t hard if the choice is between you and me. I will always choose me. Me, means more to me than anyone ever will…(this was until my nieces were born.)

The Artist had wanted to challenge my ideas about love. I had spent the better part of 10 years KNOWING what love feels like. As we discussed, we agreed that romantic love fades and it is not a true reflection of what love really is. It’s a part of love but being all over someone all the time and going out of your way to show everyone everywhere that you are together is not a clear indication of love.

He then got to his final point. Love isn’t all about the good. You only know you love someone if you can actually accept them for who they are in the dark moments. The dark moments are the moments that truly show if you are in love or you just think you are. I vehemently agreed and then he dropped the bomb asking me what I knew about love. I told him my story. The story I had held close to my heart and probably sabotaged a few relationships because of. I told him that I fell deeply in love in my 20s and like any addict (because love is my drug of choice) I’ve been chasing the high for the past 10 years. He laughed and told me I knew nothing about love. Quoting my dating history he said I hadn’t stayed somewhere long enough to feel the darkness of dealing with a whole human you can’t control consume me. You know nothing Amohelang.

He then made the example to the deepest darkest moment he had ever experienced, an experience of loss that felt like a brush with death and that he said that was true love. A moment where you would choose another person over yourself whole heartedly because that’s how much you would give for this person. When you love someone you fear losing them not because you might do something to betray them but because their existence is crucial to yours. Fear and love….You care and pray for this person and the thought of losing them encourages you to be better. In an instant I remembered the feeling….that feeling that felt like death, I remembered the few minuets I had felt that and my mind was blown.

I took a long moment to think about it and it dawned on me that I knew what I had felt 10 years ago. I knew what true love was for a 20 something year old girl. I wouldn’t know the equivalent of that feeling of truly being loved at this present moment in my life. What would that feel like today for the woman I am now? I’ve changed. I’m a stranger to myself and that means I love and expect different. What would I give? What wouldn’t I mind losing? Who would I sacrifice? Could I ever be that vulnerable to give so much of myself to another person when I know I’d rather be alone than suffer. I don’t have it in me any more…I just don’t have THAT much to give away anymore. That said how would I know if I haven’t meant the right person? if love is as he described then I had never been in love.

He brought it full circle and said its not all about me…well, it is but it isn’t! When you find the right person, the planets align and the universe conspires for you to meet this person and have the most fulfilling life experience. I’m older now, I know nothing comes without some form of adversity and that is also true for love. Searching for romantic love had clouded my vision. I had mistaken attention for love because I wasn’t used to it. So what was this love stuff?

He always leaves me with more questions than answer, I hate it but love and appreciate it at the same time. After that revelation we called it a night and the question swirled around in my head and I’m yet to have an answer….what do I know about love??? WHAT DO I REALLY KNOW ABOUT LOVE??

What about you? What do you know about love?

Bisou…bisou

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frmartinshomiliesandreflections · 6 years ago

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26th August >> Fr. Martin's Gospel Reflections / Homilies on John 6:60-69 for the Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle B: ‘Do you want to go away too?’. Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle B.

Gospel (Europe, Africa, New Zealand, Australia & Canada)

John 6:60-69

Who shall we go to? You are the Holy One of God

‘It is the spirit that gives life,

the flesh has nothing to offer.

The words I have spoken to you are spirit

and they are life.

Gospel (USA)

John 6:60–69

To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

Reflections (5)

(i) Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time

And/Or

(ii) Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time

And/Or

(iii) Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time

And/Or

(iv) Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time

The readings today focus on significant moments of choice in the life of God’s people. In the first reading, Joshua put a fundamental choice before the people. They must choose either to serve the local gods of the land or to serve the Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Moses. Joshua was aware that the people had already chosen the Lord, but he also knew that their choice of the Lord, like many of the most important choices in life, needed to be renewed again and again. In the gospel reading Jesus faced his own disciples with a significant choice. They must choose either to follow him or to walk away from him and take another path. Jesus was aware that his disciples had already chosen to follow him, but, like Joshua, he also knew that this was a choice the disciples needed to renew over and over again.

The more significant the choice that we make, the more we need to remake that choice throughout our lives. The decision to serve the Lord, to follow the Lord, is the most significant choice we could make in life. In choosing the Lord, we are choosing a way of life, a way of looking at life and a way of living life. In making such a choice and re-making it over and over again, we are taking a fundamental stance in life, one that influences a whole range of other choices we will make in life. That is not to say that everything we say and do will always be shaped by that fundamental stance. None of us are totally consistent. Yet, if we are in any way self reflective, we will probably be aware when what we say and do is not in tune with our choice of the Lord, and we will at least have the desire to bring our lives more fully into line with our choice of the Lord.

When it comes to remaining faithful to that fundamental choice of the Lord, we are very dependant on each other. We need the example of each other’s faithfulness. Being with others at Mass who themselves keep coming back to re-make that choice of the Lord, helps me to keep remaking that same choice. That is why our presence at Sunday is important for everyone else. The people of Israel must have been greatly supported in their choosing the Lord by Joshua who came forward and said, ‘As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord’. In the gospel reading, the disciples must have been enormously steadied when Peter stood up and said, on their behalf, ‘Lord, to whom can we go? You have the message of eternal life’. We all need the likes of Joshua and Peter to give a lead, to encourage the rest of us, when our own faith may be faltering. There are times in life when our faith in challenged, when we are tempted to wander off, as some of the disciples did in the gospel reading. It is above all then that we need each other’s witness, each other’s faithfulness. In that sense, we are all called to be a Joshua and a Peter for each other, to support each other in the re-making and living of our choice of the Lord.

And/Or

(v) Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time

In our culture success can often be equated with large numbers. A successful television programme is one that has a very large viewing audience. If the numbers watching declines, the programme is in trouble. Democracy is based, to some extent, on the principle of numbers. The candidate with the most votes gets elected. Every political party is anxious to maximize their vote on election day. In all kinds of ways, numbers matter in our society. The schools with the biggest number of graduates going on to University are considered the better schools. If some event that is organized only attracts a small crowd it is considered a failure.

The gospel reading this morning suggests that Jesus was not too concerned about numbers. The gospels for the last four Sundays have been taken from chapter 6 of John’s gospel where Jesus speaks of himself as the Bread of Life and of the need to eat his flesh and drink his blood in order to have life. In this morning’s gospel reading some of Jesus’ own disciples express their unease with this language. ‘This is intolerable language’, they say, ‘How could anyone accept it?’ Jesus is portrayed in that reading as being very aware that some of his followers were complaining. Yet, he did not make any effort to soften his teaching in order to hold on to his numbers. Rather, he insists that the words he has been speaking, all his words, are spirit and life. As a result, the gospel tells us that ‘many of his disciples left him and stopped going with him’. Jesus suddenly lost a whole swathe of his following. From the perspective of the culture of the time and of our own culture he was suddenly less successful. According to the gospel reading, Jesus even turned to the Twelve apostles, his core group, and asked them, ‘What about you? Do you want to go away too?’ He was prepared to suffer a haemorrhage from that core group rather than compromise on the teaching that he had given. It seems that numbers were not important to him. What was important to him was proclaiming the truth as he had heard it from God his Father. On this occasion Jesus held onto the Twelve. Peter, their spokesperson, grasped the moment to declare their faithfulness to Jesus, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the message of eternal life’. Yet, Jesus would go on to lose even some the Twelve. At the time of his passion Judas betrayed him and Peter denied him. If success is to be measured by numbers, by the end of his earthly life, Jesus was a total failure.

The gospel reading this morning, and indeed the whole life of Jesus, shows that the value of something does not bear any necessary relation to the number of people who support it. Popularity is not necessarily a good indication of where truth is to be found. We can be tempted to think that because a lot of people reject some viewpoint that, therefore, it must be wrong. Numbers are not everything. We follow Jesus not because he was or is popular but because, in the word of Peter in the gospel reading, we recognize that he has the message of eternal life, or in the language of Jesus himself in that same reading, we acknowledge that the words that he speaks are spirit and life. We will find some of his teaching very challenging. We may be tempted to say, in the words of some of the disciples, ‘This is intolerable language. How can anyone accept it?’ We may not be troubled so much by his identification of himself as the Bread of Life or his call to eat his flesh and drink his blood. It may be some other aspect of his teaching, perhaps his challenging words in the Sermon on the Mount, to love our enemies, to pray for those who persecute us. Some people react negatively to some of Jesus’ parables. They feel sorry for the older son in the parable of the prodigal son and for the men who worked all day and who got the same wages as those who worked for the last hour in the parable of the Workers in the Vineyard. It should not surprise us when we find ourselves struggling with some of what Jesus says. In the language of the prophet Isaiah, God’s thoughts are not our thoughts; God’s ways are not our ways. It has been said that Jesus comforts the afflicted and afflicts the comfortable. We all need Jesus to do both for us. We need his comforting and sustaining presence when we are afflicted, but sometimes we need his disturbing presence in our comfort.

The teaching and the life of Jesus will always challenge us at some level of our being. There may even be times when we will feel like walking away from it. That is why it is so important for us to keep renewing our response to the Lord’s presence and invitation. The Eucharist is the primary moment when we commit ourselves again to the Lord’s vision for our lives; it is our weekly opportunity to make our own those words of Peter in today’s gospel reading, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the message of eternal life’.

Fr. Martin Hogan, Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin, D03 AO62, Ireland.

Email: [email protected] or [email protected]

Parish Website: www.stjohnsclontarf.ie Please join us via our webcam.

Twitter: @SJtBClontarfRC.

Facebook: St John the Baptist RC Parish, Clontarf.

Tumblr: Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin.

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soulstream-rp · 8 years ago

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Hi Eva! We're always blown away by the characters you make, seriously. Jacques is well thought out and we're really excited to see him on board. He's gonna work out well in our (not so little) town. We can't wait to throw all of our characters at him. Please make sure to follow everyone on our masterlist and to follow the tags for announcements, starters, follows & unfollows, as well as events. Also, make sure that your submit is activated for OOC chat link purposes. Congratulations!

OOC info.

Third Character App

IC info. Original Character

Character Name: Jacques DeVries

Age: 28

Character Type: Medium

True Name: “Deceit”

FC: Gaspard Ulliel

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Date & Place of Birth: March 28th, 1988 / Antibes, France

Occupation: Thief / Occasional musician at Pisces

Background:

Saying that he was born in France can make it sound quite sophisticated by default but the truth is that there was nothing fancy, agreeable or that encapsulated the joie de vivre in the wrong side of the city where Jacques spent his childhood. His father was frequent client of Lex Roux Club, a guy who couldn’t keep it in his pants when visiting the table dance and ended up getting too tangled up with the star performer, Greta DeVries. A baby boy was born as a result of their sexual encounters and Jean-Luc Marchand showed little to no interest for looking after the baby, leaving Greta mostly on her own to raise him and provide for him. She could barely afford an education for him and juggling two jobs to maintain her little boy meant she was barely around, leaving the kid to be looked after babysitters who didn’t really care much for the boy’s upbringing. There were the times when his father dropped by sporadically, making his mom immensely happy and Jacques infinitely miserable. Jean-Luc was a violent brute who thought the best way to turn his son into a man was through firsts and belt buckles. He never got a lot of affection and attention during his childhood. Certainly the kind of attention he got from his father wasn’t the kind he wanted, and in fact he feared him. He trembled every time his father stepped into their crappy apartment for one of his surprise visits, and Jacques would either run to hide his room’s closet or run out of the house.

As he grew up rules were an abstract concept for him, though, because no one truly educated him to follow them. The way he saw them, they were something to bend to his liking if needed be. Such a behavior was emphasized further when the teen became part of a gang of little rascals and petty thieves often called “The White Devils” by the locals, a moniker they earned for their mischievousness and because they were usually nearby a tavern by the name Le Diable Blanc. Even if he was just a fifteen-year-old at the time and was certainly not allowed to be in such a place as a tavern, Jacques and the owner of the place, Maximilien Canet, formed an interesting bond after a while. There was something in Jacques that reminded Max of his young self and so the boy gradually became an apprentice of his. He started to spend a lot of time at Max’s tavern in spite of his parent’s disagreement and protests, which only gave him further incentives not to show up at home because at last he could avoid his father. Le Diable Blanc became his new home, a place where he rubbed shoulders with the toughest and most cunning of Antibes, a place where learned to make himself at home in the harshest of environments side by side with ex-cons. He dealt with alcohol-infested clientele on a daily basis like it was nothing and when it came down to bare-knuckle fighting Jacques learned not to back down even if he lost his first brawls. He was hardened by that place and the young man loved every second of it, feeling empowered. He gained new talents, new skills to deal with people by charm or by harm. It was pure bliss to spend time in that place drinking, playing card games, pickpocketing the unsuspecting customers and even entertaining some of them by playing some good tunes on the piano. Maximilien Canet was the king of that duplicitous underground world and he had turned Jacques into his heir apparent.

A couple of years went by and Jacques dropped out of high school, investing his time in what truly mattered to him: Le Diable Blanc. Unfortunately for him and his mentor, the tavern was closed down by authorities by the time he was twenty, all because of the illegal dealings that often went down in the tavern. Then an opportunity arose for Maximilien to move to America and he chose not to leave his protégé behind and Jacques followed him to New York with no hesitation whatsoever, even if it meant further estranging his already distant relationship with his mother and abusive father. The pair of tricksters didn’t stay long in that city and hitchhiked their way across several states, pulling off their thievery mischiefs here and there. Three years ago Jacques’ world was turned upside down when Max and he pulled off a big heist in San Francisco In just a month they got everything they stole into the black market and had nothing to trace them back to the heist. Or so they thought. The police’s ongoing investigation was catching up to them and by being in the wrong place at the wrong time Jacques learned that Max was going to rat him out. It was a hurtful blow to know his mentor, his father, was willing to let him carry the blame on his own. Without a second thought Jacques pulled that move against Maximilien instead and threw him under the bus, throwing all the blame on him. It resulted in Maximilien getting 3 years in prison and deportation back to France upon the sentence’s end. Jacques has been on his own since then, still playing the dangerous game of thievery and risking his freedom just for the thrill and the gain. Now that Max is out of prison, Jacques is certain his old mentor will try to make him pay for the betrayal which is why the young thief moved to Port Ashborne to lay low. Luckily for him, he’s always been quite skilled at misdirecting people to avoid being caught.

Additional Information:

His full name is Jacques Gael DeVries.

He speaks English very well after living in the US for eight years, however there is a faint hint of his French accent.

He is technically unemployed, since his shenanigans robbing hardly count as a job. But he oftentimes plays the piano at Pisces and gets a decent enough amount of money out of it.

Jacques sends money to his mother every now and then. He sometimes attaches a small note for her in case she’d like to know how and where to contact him but she never does.

He had a criminal record back in France, however only for minor charges. He has never been arrested in the US.

FAMILY:

Jean-Luc Marchad (father/estranged)

Greta DeVries (mother/estranged)

Maximilien Canet (mentor/enemy)

CONNECTIONS:

n/a

Personality:

Jacques is the result of lacking limits as a kid, understanding little about restraints and rules. If anything facing a restriction or law only ignites in him the will to break and to bend them. It’s all a challenge for him, and he rarely backs down from one. He relied greatly on Maximilien for years, the man he revered as his mentor and even as his father, but even since learning of his intentions to betray him, Jacques no longer put his trust on others. He’s a one man force of nature to be reckoned and he lives by the motto of “every man for himself” now. His moral compass is not pointed towards north and his choices are never permeated by ethics, he simply acts according to what will benefit him. Jacques is an individualist to the core and his past has given him a bit of a dissociative personality as a coping mechanism. He comes off as smug and so sure of himself, which to an extent are true traits of himself, but they also serve as the first layer of the shields he has put around himself. Being selfish and detached are ways in which he feels he can’t be hurt and in which he keeps others at a safe distance.

Skills:

Thanks to Maximilien he learned all the skills that he could need to survive as a thief and know how to avoid getting caught. He’s quite skilled from basic things ranging from pickpocketing and forging people’s handwriting, to break-ins, safe-cracking or disabling security systems.

He is a decent enough fighter when it comes to hand to hand combat. More than having impeccable technique, Jacques has the sheer ferocity and brawn to hold his own in a fight.

Jacques knows how to play the piano. He learned to play by ear and by seeing some locals play at Le Diable Blanc. He kept developing his playing skills with practice and playing the piano is a hobby of his. He doesn’t know how to read sheets of music.

He possesses medium skills, however he is not prone to perceiving ghosts all too well, he can only distantly hear them. His skill developped in the way of illusion manipulation, or at least in a subtle form of it. Jacques is capable of tricking people into seeing, smelling or hearing things that aren’t really there. The illusory changes he is able to create are small and subtle, but they have always been enough for him to avoid getting caught.

Sample Paragraph: TW: rape and violence

“Marcos, please” she pleaded, eyes clouded with tears as she squirmed beneath the weight of his body. “I won’t go to the police, I won’t say anything. I promise. I promise I’ll stay quie-”. Her words were cut off as his palm collided against her cheekbone. It stung, a pulsating warmth under her skin in the place where he slapped her.

The tears fell down her cheeks and she met Marcos’ eyes again, silently pleading him to stop this. It was impossible for her to find the familiar softness she used to see her boyfriend’s dark eyes. It was gone now. They were pits of coal, burning with a type of cruelty that brought the deepest, rawest kind of fear in her.

“Please, Marcos” Lourdes pleaded once more, her voice quivering with sobs she couldn’t contain any longer. “Please don’t do this”. The young man was deaf to her cries and he hit her once more, harder than the previous one.

Panic found her once more when Marcos unzipped his pants, when his hand forcefully restrained her by the wrists. Lourdes did whate she could to fight him off, to try to get him to move from crushing her body against the floor. She cried out again, painfully aware that he would get to have his way with her yet again. No matter how hard she fought him, she couldn’t stop Marcos from hitting her, from ripping her underwear off her body. She was powerless to stop him from violently getting his pleasure out of her pain and suffering.

- - -

Lou woke up with a start, a scream dying in her throat when her eyes opened. There were tears already in her eyes and they just continued to fall as she curled herself up, her arms wrapping around her knees. Her body shook, quietly sobbing. She wanted to cry out, to yell, but she did not to make any sound that could wake up her uncle.

The emotions brought by what she’d dreamed about ran free. Her only comfort was that it had been just a dream. A nightmare… This was unlike the other times she’d relieved her experience with Marcos, this wasn’t the first time her mind took her back to that event. However, it was the first time she went through it so vividly.

That experience was seared into her brain. It only made sense that her worst nightmares were crafted with the sharp edges of those memories.

#supernatural rp #magic rp #ghost rp #rp #roleplay #sost:accepted

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